Damn It Boy... 5-25-14

Why is it, that as soon as he says a word, a single sentence, whether it be about what we used to have, or even if he's just discussing how he is, my heart breaks. A simple breath, hearing that contagious laugh, remembering everything we had done together. And hearing those songs, that remind me of you, remind me of those great memories, every little thing that made you different, it just leaves me feeling numb. Don't worry, I'll sit back and pretend I understand, leaving me to wonder, "What the hell did I do wrong? Did none of this even matter to you? Did you even love me? Did you even... care...?"

Feminism 5-23-14

I don't like feminists. There I said it.

Love Actually 5-21-14

So I'm in love with this girl who only comes to me when she has a problem. But I can't help it. She's beautiful and smart and nerdy and ugh.

Rebellion 5-17-14

Being rebellious is a great feeling. You know, that feeling of  knowing you could be caught at any moment, that RUSH, the way your friends look at you like, "What do we do next?" THAT feeling. The best feeling. Even the rush of getting caught is a great feeling. I need more friends who are actually willing to do it with me. Any takers? O.O

This Blog 5-14-14

So you can tell that there are some changes to my blog. I like it and if you don't, well then fuck you. Hopefully this blog can be a happier place now ^_^

Oh yeah and...

By the way, just to keep myself up-to-date, I relapsed on the 10th, so that makes exactly four months I haven't cut. Yay go me!!

Merp 5-12-14

My summer has been so boring!! I am a single woman ready to mingle aND I HAVE NO FRIENDS SO THIS SUCKS.

Hair 5-20-14

More shit has happened. I cheated on my boyfriend with my best friend like a giant whore, I dyed my hair brunette, and I have like four different men that want me. So yeah. Welcome back.

Chillin 5-16-14

At Starbucks because fuck you.

Suicide 4-20-14

I have over 10 ways I want to commit suicide. Four attempts (that my parents never found out about), and many, many times I've contemplated doing it or not. What a wonderful life I fucking live in.

Sexy Bits 4-9-14

So a lot has happened since I posted last... I lost my virginity, I'm going to get my septum, eyebrow and lip pierced, and I might just fail 9th grade.

UGLY 2-23-14

I'm whitening my teeth and brushing my shower hair all at the same time. I look like someone found me on the side of the road whilst wandering the woods with their family.

Serenaded at Midnight 2-11-14

I'm being serenaded... by a hot emo boy.... with happy and sad songs.... at midnight.... inch me. I'm dreaming :o

100th Post :D 2-9-14

100th POST!!! Let's make it special!!! With...

By the Way... 2-5-14

That last post was about my friends with benefits. My boyfriend and I broke up. He lied. He's a fucking liar.

Legit Best Day 2-2-14

Apparently, I'm one of the best kissers he's ever kissed, I give the best handjobs (with no practice btw: first timer over here), and I'm sexy as fuck without even trying. Let's just say yesterday was a fun day and I got to smile and cuddle and kiss and touch and feel and smell and grab and lick and bite and talk and be myself all in one day. It was actually the best day of my life.

Update 1-28-14

So the last two days have been weird. I got fingered by my bf, I'm on my period and are having immense cramps, my anorexia is officially gone, I gained a friend-with-benefits, and I made a promise to said fwb that if we aren't married by 35, we'll marry each other. So yeah. Cool. So. Um. Yeeeeeaah.

Men Again 1-26-14

I'm in love with two guys. My boyfriend and my best friend. I'm confused and hurt and asdfghjkl idk. Help please.

YouTube, Band Merch, and Boredom 1-25-14

I'm so bored and I'm not going anywhere until four to where my friend and I are going to Hot Topic to buy all the ATL, PTV, and SWS gear we can. Until then, I'll be drooling and laughing at markiplier and his crazy antics.

SLEEPOVERS :D 1-24-14

Having a craaaaaaazy sleepover with my whore (and by crazy I mean I've had a Monster and we're eating XD)

Parents 1-22-14

I love how my parents tell me that they love me right after I do something to myself.

Guys... 1-19-14

I'm so fucking awkward it hurts. I can't even talk to two guys I know without doing something stupid D:

First Date 1-17-14

I had my first date today. I hung at with Hayden and played video games, including Portal 2, Left 4 Dead 2, and Call of Duty: Zombies, and I really wanted to kiss him. He kept tickling me to screw me up and it was really cute and fun and yeah c:

Stability 1-15-14

How is it that through all of this shit, finals and everyone being mad at everyone and the habits that are rekindling and the people dropping like flies and all the cuts and pukes and drugs and alcohol and sex, how is it that through all of this shit, I can stay stronger than ever? Is it because I have to be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned? Because I don't have an escape from reality? Because I don't want to say "goodbye" to everyone that needs me? Because I put other people's happiness before myself? Yes. But I'm a body pinned against a tree by a pole through their stomach. If I leave, move a single inch, I will die. And although the pain is slowly and softly draining me of happiness, it is the only thing keeping me alive. I want to live. This pain keeps me breathing. Keeps me walking. Keeps me alive.

A Dumb Fuck 1-14-13

Are you ever in a really good mood because something good finally happens, FINALLY, and then someone says on little thing that isn't even important but it still means more than intended to you and your mood just fucking drops like a dead bird? Yeah, well that makes two of us. I'm sorry whoever is reading this and relates. Because it sucks ass. And that person shouldn't even mean anything to you anymore but they do because they stole half your heart and won't ever give it back and now you only have half a heart that you're trying to divide to all your friends and new lover but you just die in the process. Because after all, you do need a heart to live. But since your generosity has got the best of you, you've given your heart.

And your life.

FINALS D: 1-1

I have finals this week. Fuck.

Oblivion 1-12-14

I'm checking out books about depression and cutting and eating disorders and my mother still doesn't suspect a thing ._.

The Irony of Choking On Someone's Help 1-11-14

My friends think they can help me *snorts* I can't even help me. What makes them think that they can?

The Light Behind Your Eyes 1-10-14

"So long to all my friends. Everyone of them met tragic ends. With every passing day, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss them all tonight, and if they only knew what I would say. If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes. Someday I will loose this fight as we fade into dark. Just remember you will always burn as bright."
                     ~My Chemical Romance

Panic Attacks 1-9-14

I had a panic attack today. I'm sorry if you get them too. I love all of you guys.

10 Things You Missed While I was Gone

1. I'm a freshman now
2. I kept my first real relationship for four months.
3. I sucked my first dick.
4. I got eaten out.
5. I developed an eating disorder.
6. I cut.
7. I got a phone.
8. I got worse mentally.
9. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar but I'm actually just depressed. With no meds.
10. My life has been shittier ever since my last post.

Anywhore, I hope your lives have been wonderful ^~^

Men .-. 1-8-14

Men are weird. But smell nice. Unless they smell like weed and cigarettes. But other than that, I like it when they smile. And when their chest grumbles when they talk. And when they're easy to talk to. And when you show each others' scars. Yeah. I like men.

YAAAAAAAAAY 1-7-13

I ACTUALLY DID MY HOMEWORK. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heyyyyy 1-6-14

So yeah. The reason I didn't update in 7593686563 years is because my laptop exploded and I couldn't afford a new one but I got one for my birthday today so here we are. Hai. A lot has changed.