Guys... 1-19-14

I'm so fucking awkward it hurts. I can't even talk to two guys I know without doing something stupid D:

First Date 1-17-14

I had my first date today. I hung at with Hayden and played video games, including Portal 2, Left 4 Dead 2, and Call of Duty: Zombies, and I really wanted to kiss him. He kept tickling me to screw me up and it was really cute and fun and yeah c:

Stability 1-15-14

How is it that through all of this shit, finals and everyone being mad at everyone and the habits that are rekindling and the people dropping like flies and all the cuts and pukes and drugs and alcohol and sex, how is it that through all of this shit, I can stay stronger than ever? Is it because I have to be the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned? Because I don't have an escape from reality? Because I don't want to say "goodbye" to everyone that needs me? Because I put other people's happiness before myself? Yes. But I'm a body pinned against a tree by a pole through their stomach. If I leave, move a single inch, I will die. And although the pain is slowly and softly draining me of happiness, it is the only thing keeping me alive. I want to live. This pain keeps me breathing. Keeps me walking. Keeps me alive.

A Dumb Fuck 1-14-13

Are you ever in a really good mood because something good finally happens, FINALLY, and then someone says on little thing that isn't even important but it still means more than intended to you and your mood just fucking drops like a dead bird? Yeah, well that makes two of us. I'm sorry whoever is reading this and relates. Because it sucks ass. And that person shouldn't even mean anything to you anymore but they do because they stole half your heart and won't ever give it back and now you only have half a heart that you're trying to divide to all your friends and new lover but you just die in the process. Because after all, you do need a heart to live. But since your generosity has got the best of you, you've given your heart.

And your life.

FINALS D: 1-1

I have finals this week. Fuck.

Oblivion 1-12-14

I'm checking out books about depression and cutting and eating disorders and my mother still doesn't suspect a thing ._.

The Irony of Choking On Someone's Help 1-11-14

My friends think they can help me *snorts* I can't even help me. What makes them think that they can?